The Truth About My Body

Right photo by Tejas Kulkarni

This is me on the left back in 2009.

This is also me on the right - fast forward 12 years later.

My journey with my body over the years has been a hate-love relationship in a nutshell. As much as most days I tell myself to accept myself for who am I - whether I am ‘skinny’ or ‘fat’…it is my body and my self-talk is just as important and paramount. But on those days I don’t feel as confident, especially on a few modelling gigs I start comparing myself to the other models for a fashion show, that’s when I learn to not be so hard on myself.

Yes, I used to be 45kgs, and now I’m over 70kgs - but does my self love and self care end there?

No, it doesn’t.

Life happens.

People gain weight.

People lose weight.

And having one or another is OK.

Having a mental illness (also known as my super power!) of Bipolar Disorder Type I - I was forced (at the beginning of my mental health journey) to take medications, very strong medications which caused me to increase my appetite which in turn made me gain 10kgs within 2 weeks being in the mental health ward.

I strongly believe my mental illness is a chemical imbalance, so I have to be on these medications for the rest of my life.

For a time period, I didn’t like my body, and social pressures almost made me almost believe I was “fat” too.

I learnt that no matter how the media and culture strongly suggest to women what is “perfect”, I tell myself that there’s no point in comparing myself with other bodies.

I embrace who I am.

I am beautiful the way I am.

Seeing beauty is not by what other people tell me, but it begins on how I see and tell myself in everyday life.